“How out are you?”
Being that I came out at the age of 26, I am considered a late bloomer! It took me several years to learn to love myself and my queerness or lack there of. I can now honestly say that I am completely out! However, I am not one to parade my sexuality around as advertisement. Being queer is a part of who I am, not all that I am. The only parading I do is in the privacy of my own home. I am completely okay with public displays of affection as long as that person is my girlfriend or someone I was crazy about, who was equally crazy about me. By public displays of affection I mean the usual holding of hands, hugging, and kissing. I am not a fan of hooking up with someone just because we both happen to be queer.
There is such a thing as friendship among lesbians, bisexuals, queers, and transgenders. Although at the moment I’m learning to maneuver that. That in itself is quite a task. We need to learn so much about coming to terms with our sexuality, especial for those late bloomers like myself. I feel like I have to play catch up. I didn’t have queer friends for a long time because of the misconceptions I held about my own queer community. It’s a difficult job juggling all the aspects of my queer life. I don’t know everything that there is to know about being queer, but I do know that we are supposed to love and accept each other.
I don’t think it is for anyone to decide or implement upon anyone else “how out, is out”. It disgusts me that another queer person would harass another because their “outness” wasn’t up to par with their own. We all have different personalities aside from being queer, some of us are introverts while others extroverts. None is more right that the other, but it is none of my business how out someone is.
Let’s take the case of “Sex in the City’s” star Cynthia Nixon, who has made the news recently because she is engaged to her long term partner Christine Marinoni. Cynthia Nixon, who has received a lot of criticism from some in the queer community for not “admitting”, as some would see it, that she is bisexual.
“For me, it is a choice,” Nixon told the Times. “I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.”
“I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive,” “I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.”
“I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here. It matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not,” she told the Times about her decision to be with Marinoni.
I am appalled that another queer person would have the audacity to dictate who is queer enough, or out enough? The argument may arise that Cynthia Nixon is giving us queers a bad name, by stating that she chooses to be gay. She doesn’t speak for me, she is not my voice. It is not someone else’s job to identify me, my likes or dislikes, who I choose to date, who I choose to kiss in public, hold hands with, or embrace. Cynthia Nixon doesn’t represent me. I am not offended with how she chooses to come to terms with her sexuality. We all have our own journeys, and ways of dealing with our sexuality. What works for me may not work for someone else. All of our coming out stories are composed of different experiences. That is what makes us unique. We are not cookie cutter queers. ~We Are Qulture