Were you raised by “La Chancla”? If you are not sure allow me to take you down memory lane. Where if “la chancla fits….” well, I think some of you know where I’m going with this. Okay, so there you are watching the Publishing Clearing House commercial, you are 8 and your pajama outfit is a mix of a G.I. Joe top and He-Man shorts. The commercial is getting to the good part where the Prize Patrol, armed with balloons and a gigantic check surprise grandma.
“You Just Won A Million Dollars!!” is interrupted by the familiar sound of the chancla slapping your leg! Before the Size 7 Made in CHINA can imprint itself on your now red, swelling epidermis, you are instantly reminded of the 3 possibilities as to why you are “getting it”. (A.) You left a dirty dish in the sink, (B.) left the empty milk container in the fridge, or (C.) left the side gate open and the dog took off. Again. “Cuantas veces te dije que no…..(How many times did I tell you not to)” -fill in the blank. Boy did that chancla sting (we considered ourselves lucky if mom didn’t use dad’s huarache) but it was a reminder that you did something that didn’t quite require an ass whooping but annoying enough that it needed to be addressed by some sort of corporal punishment (good thing it wasn’t the ear pinch!). If you laughed and were instantly teleported back to those times, then you my friend were raised by the chancla.
Shoot I’m still getting chanclasos. I’m no longer 8 and I’ve long out grown my G.I. Joe/He-Man PJ’s… Nevertheless those Publishing Clearing House commercials are still airing: Some things never change. The chanclasos I’m getting are now are handed out by life, the mother of all mothers. These cosmic chanclasos are yet again a reminder of the things I need to get right. They aren’t anything that is of extreme importance, but they are things that would impede a happier and peaceful state of being.
Let’s take for example being late to a set appointment, or worse a first date! Oh man that definitely deserves a chanclaso. How about neglecting to stop and pump gas, cause you swear it got you an extra 10 miles on the E position the last time, only to realize that the change of weather affects how gas fumes dissipate and you are now stranded by the side of the road and the nearest gas station is 3 miles away. How bout this one, leaving a dirty dish in the sink over night and finding that the cereal residue has stuck hard like cement and as you scrub extra hard, all of a sudden it becomes clear to you why your mom gave you a chanclaso in the first place. We damn well deserved it!
Chanclasos are just love taps and sometimes we still need those reminders until we get it right. Sure it could be a lot worse and the situations a bit more severe, but being raised by the chancla only means that we were loved enough to be corrected for our own good and benefit. Sure it can be argued that it was child abuse, but that’s not what I am talking about here. Ask anyone of us who was raised by the chancla and we would say… Nah I deserved those chanclasos!