Every year I’ve sat down and reminisce about my meltdowns and accomplishments for the year. This year, has been one that I’ll never forget. In my 32 years of existence and the ones I remember (because let’s face it, I don’t recall my childhood years that much anymore). But the ones in my 20’s, there were definitely some challenging ones… but I’m still here. My 30’s so far have been, amazingly challenging (I say this with a smile), because since my grandma died things have more of a meaning and made sense.
I made a promise to myself when grandma passed away 2 years ago and that was to fight for what I believe in, to never give up, be stronger and never settle. Since then – I got my first book published, created greetings cards, made a career change, been more active in the community, set my goals in priority and laughed more.
This year has been filled with revelations: my desires in life have become very clear and I realized that in order for me to achieve success I needed to set my goals accordingly and work harder but smarter. I’ve made some tough decisions that have let me having withdrawals and at some point doubtful. I wonder if Jim Morrison ever went through this, I guess he did but what matters the most is staying true to what you feel and believe. I realized that I wasn’t completely happy with my surroundings or people, nor can I make others happy – happiness lies within. I’ve questioned myself, I’ve cried and I’ve laughed… and in all of this confusion overwhelming 2012, I’ve gotten closer to my family. I’ve realized that in all the turmoil one can always count on those who genuinely love you and have shown you ‘home’ from the beginning. I know, that as some of you read this, ‘home’ to you is not necessarily family, ‘home’ is what you make of it and who you believe has your best interest for your future. That can be your wife, husband or friends, it’s who you have that special unbreakable bond with.
The decisions I’ve made this year are not personal nor business per say, but they are more of the evolution process we go through as human beings: it’s growth. I wasn’t happy earlier this year and overwhelmed and decided to let go of certain things and people in my life. I was told “sometimes, people will see your decisions as selfish but if you are making changes for better to be more positive, then there’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish when you want to be better, those people who call you selfish are either not making changes or stuck in the same place in their lives”. Positive actions are the only rewards we can cheer to…. Putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations it’s what we should do, so we can better understand the new us.
In all of these changes and uncomfortable situations, I’ve met some people that have become new friends that lead to new ideas and new chapters in my life. But how can I start a new chapter without closing others pending in my life. One of those chapters was coming out to my Dad; and I am once and for all free from the million needles in my stomach that made me sick with the thought of what my dad would think of, if he found out. I did it, not because it was the right time but because I finally felt it was time in my heart, I wanted to stop hiding and simply feel that freedom was attainable.
This month has been the best one of this year… because I have closed chapters. Not always do we need verbal closure, some things are best left unsaid. What matters is that you have put it to rest in your heart. So I toast with you all – Cheers to Family drama because without it, I wouldn’t feel like I belonged. Cheers to Friends: because without them I would continue being judged or wouldn’t have a shoulder to cry on. Cheers to Love: to the old and new broken hearts because without them, I wouldn’t continue believing I could dance on Saturn’s rings, fall straight on my face and do it all over in the far future. And last but not least… to Life: because day by day you teach me something new; a new way to laugh, a new way to breathe, a new way to cry, a new way to hug, a new way to love; and you remind me what sacrifice is when I see happy homes who have nothing to eat at night.
“Courage starts in the heart, belief starts in the mind, happiness blooms and now I am free.” – cyn
Happy New Year raza and may you continue to fight for what you believe in.
See you in 2013 – Bigger, Better and Stronger
(by the way my theme song for 2013 is “Bigger, Stronger” by Coldplay).