BORN GAY

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Ok… nobody else thinks it’s weird that so many people are comfortable insisting that babies are sexually attracted to adults? Other babies? What? I don’t get it.

I’m pretty sure we’re all born asexual. Some babies grow up and remain asexual but being born straight or gay? Not my baby. Many cultures raise their babies’ defaulting us to heterosexuals before any attraction ever has a chance to occur. Sexual attraction seems to develop and evolve as our hormones and organs develop and evolve.

Being youthfully flamboyant and male or an alpha female does not guarantee homo-status. Realizing at an early age they prefer to rock clothes designed for the opposite sex does not guarantee homo-status. Being androgynous, theatrical, loving disco, being artistic, sensitive and open-minded doesn’t guarantee homo-status. Being born male with higher levels of estrogen and female with higher levels of testosterone than average does not exclude anyone from having hetero-desires.

Being feed this hetero-normative life plan has definitely been fucking people up for too long but jumping on the opposite end of the spectrum isn’t helping either. We are born. Some are given a chance to pursue their attractions, some aren’t.

I just had my first experience seriously dating a hetero woman. She had her first child at 14. Had another later; never mentioned their fathers’. She is engaged to a man. I didn’t pursue her because I didn’t think she was ready. She pursued me. I didn’t have a problem with her fiancé being male. I had a problem with her fiancé being her fiancé. She couldn’t understand.

I wanted to help her get out that box that so many people get stuck in. She said she’d always thought about being with a woman. She needed to realize I wasn’t just any woman. She wasn’t ready.

She thought me giving her gifts meant I wanted to sleep with her. It didn’t. She thought if I’d slept with her I’d like her better. I prefer to like someone before I share myself with them. She told me she wanted to be someone’s wife; she didn’t want to be alone. She told me that she faced homelessness during her struggles. She went to church. She went home with the reverend; slept with the reverend. She used his phone without his permission. He threw her out.

Its ‘funny’, I’d just finished reading “In the Blood” from the Red Letter Plays by Suzan-Lori Parks days before I met this woman. This play is the deepest thing I’ve ever read; highly recommended. I was too angry to cry. It gave me more perspective into the life of the single mother.

I find a lot of women that have given themselves to men who use them only for their bodies assume lesbians work the same way. I’m sure some do. Too many people are so quick to try to force others into these little boxes. I try to remind these people: “different strokes for different folks”. One rule will never apply to everyone. At least when it comes to the rules of man.

We are born human. Some of us have the freedom to explore nature and discover are preferences.

I had my first sexual experience when I was 5. She was a about the same age; my stepfathers’ niece. They made us take showers together (to conserve the hot water or something, who knows?). We loved it! We loved exploring and penetrating each others’ bodies. A few years later I had a male friend; he was a little effeminate; a year younger than myself. He had been exploring his own body and wanted to show me what he’d discovered. I thought it was funny and gross yet interesting. My sexual interests subsided for a good decade after that. Well, not completely. I spent more than a little time understanding my body on my own. Monosexual?

Growing up, my friends were gay, straight, asexual, none yet trans-identified but comfortable with the cross-dresser label. I stopped going to church before my mind could be poisoned by its hatred. My mother was happy I was asexual. She would die if I ever sat her down and told her, “Hey mom, you should probably know, I really like balls in my mouth”. No. “Hey mom, I really like breasts in my mouth”, is still inappropriate dinner conversation, but I’d like to think she’d be less traumatized. Naturally, that is where breast are most utilized.

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t born gay. I wasn’t attracted to anybody as an infant. As an adult, I love feeling a woman’s thighs shiver and shake against my face. I love the sounds she makes. I love the way she tastes.

I don’t know if I was born gay. I don’t care. I’m gay now and I know that no other human has the authority to tell me I shouldn’t pleasure as many consenting women as my heart desires. I was born to be free; born to be me.

Happy Pride!

Alex

Since August of 2009 Strapped has celebrated the visibility of queer performers, artists, DJs, dancers, comedians, porn stars and party-goers from all over Los Angeles, Long Beach, San Diego, Oakland and San Francisco. Born in the struggle, I fight everyday to get me and my loved ones out; whether I've actually ever met them or not. Fighting with words, fighting with art, fighting with actions, events and love. My story isn't one I need to brag about. My formal education has nothing on my life experience. I'm just me, Alex.

One thought on “BORN GAY

  • August 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm
    Permalink

    I had never thought of this, thanks for this new point of thought.

    Reply

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